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ImAHungryNacho's avatar

.:It's Me:.

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Description

Frustration piece. Inspired by the new episode of Steven Universe, cleverly titled Mindful Education. Steven and Connie learn the way of dealing with their bottled feelings and admitting what they did, and attempting to move on from it. 

It's something I continue to struggle with. It's like every day, I want to do my best- but others keep that from happening. Whether it's their moods, or their opinions- if I get frustrated- I get angry. Okay. I get it. I get angry quick, but instead of throwing it in my face- take the effort to understand you don't know me at all and never ever did.

I trust no one with my feelings, not because I feel I don't deserve it, but because those who are supposed to understand me don't. And I do not trust them to have the wisdom to try and understand. And they think they do. And they judge me because knowing me gives them the right to do so. Sorry if I cannot explain why I am angry that moment, I need time to understand myself. You think by the age of fuckin' twenty I know everything about myself? What I stand for? What I'm willing to do? NO. 

I deserve better. 

But I can't escape. I don't have the tools. I don't have the ability. I want to fly but no one has taught me how, no one has given me the time- no one is there to help me. I'm alone. 

And yeah, I'm crying right now- because I feel so shaky and torn and out of breath. I have to GO. Go far away. Not see them for years because I cannot trust myself to tell them these things and hope they understand. They won't. I wanted them to, but they all gang up on me- make me doubt myself. Make me feel like I have mental issues- because they all think ALIKE and I'm the one on the outside- am I really different? Do I really have problems? Am I not as intelligent I believe myself to be? The more I figure out how to cope- with myself- the deeper the hole is- all these thoughts that are supposed to make me stronger don't. I don't know how to fight. How do you even fight yourself? I have no one. I never had anyone in my life. 

I need a way out. 

Sorry that turned into a lil rant. haha. Just felt the need to try and work out what I feel. I like this piece. Symbolic to no one but me. ^^

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Image size
5950x7700px 6.58 MB
Mature
© 2016 - 2024 ImAHungryNacho
Comments15
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Carameja's avatar
I'm super sorry you feel this way and I really sincerely want to apologize if I ever made you feel this way, you don't deserve to feel alone, no one does. Just continue to be your wonderful self even tho if that feels impossible, I won't expect you to understand yourself at the age of twenty, no one should, heck even I am sometimes still finding myself also due past events that keeps me on guard and skeptic about future events. I won't say I understand what you're going through cause big chance I don't. But I will try to be there for you, I will try to be the friend you deserve to have.